Helps me do better.Copyright 2022, Coyote Howard.Roland drove up into the east end of town as that's where Christian, now Kristy, had told him this "Big G" was.It occurred to him that he had no idea what he was doing. Not really. He'd never done more than a social hit of pot, let alone harder drugs like cocaine or heroin, as Big G was probably dealing. Roland had asked Kristy and she'd offered up Big G as one who did, and he had nothing else to go on.He was driven forward though by the words of Kayla at his apartment. She'd cut him to his core, her truths pummeling his conscience and threatening to overwhelm him.Would he feel differently if he hadn't allowed her to yell at him? Would he be blissfully ignorant?He shook his head slightly as he drove into town proper. It didn't matter. He'd done what he'd done."You're a sick fuck Roland," he said, the self-loathing tone dripping off his voice.He turned on to 5th St and anxiety gripped him. The realization yet again that he had no idea. Seems like we’re always having a birthday celebration or toast.”“I am an engineer. We’re trained to think logically about everything, so I do keep some stuff on my laptop and iPad. A calendar app helps a lot, especially for birthdays and special anniversaries. Alice is better at remembering everything than I am without the electronic aids. Pam and my other wives are, too. I think I let business intervene too much in my life.”Pete said, “The old work-life balance issue. Karma, I guess.”Dave nodded. “I’m better than I was.”“I know from hearing the story that Dori gave you and Alice little challenges to help you loosen up, and that those worked and got you to where you are today, but what I never hear was what your emotions were while you going through that process.”Dave chuckled, “My head was in a state of dis-assembled chaos. I was so keyed up I could only sleep about four hours a day for months, maybe even our entire first year after we started our loosening up process. Part of it.
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